I am going to write a musical one day. It's going to be about my journey with tics and Tourettes and school craziness and holistic doctors and second guessing myself and standing up for myself and living in fear and fighting for faith and domestic love and domestic grrrrrrr.

I believe my first song will be a tribute to Friday's school meeting. I was taken by surprise (but again, I was not) when our trail blazing Vice Principal, after saying how much she loved my wacky kid, said it's time to consider getting an I.E.P. started.

Standing for Individual Education Plan, this means that Stink would have some one on one support for his focus issues.

I am relieved and horrified all at once.

The relief stems from the fact that my son really is disorganized. He could use the help in streamlining his routine, as well as gaining some additional social help. I always say he's brilliant, but what's the point of being a rocket scientist if you can't find your keys for the mother ship?

The downside is that, well, I have to face the facts just stated above: That my son is disorganized and could use some, errrr, social help. I can't blame Mario for everything.

I'm also defeated because I want to tell everyone who reads this blog that TS is not a problem at all! That your kid will skate through life just fine with the proper diet and attitude. I want to reassure each one of you that you never have to sit in the principal's office and talk about tics, ADHD or other possible diagnoses.

But since I can't do that, I can say this: That EVERY kid has something. I know that for a fact. So my kid might need an I.E.P.. Big deal. Did I cry? Oh, sure. Like a baby. The teacher had to do the mad scramble tissue dash. Why did I cry? Because I want the world to see the kid I see... the one who is kind and loving and funny as hell. The one who "would give the shirt off his back for his bff" (as the V.P. said herself.) I don't want him different. And yet I do.

And isn't that what we all struggle with for ourselves? We want to be unique, but we want it to be in a way where we can control the wackiness. I'm thinking that's kind of not going to happen.

And so, in honor of giving up control for the sake of sanity and my amazing kid (who happens to need an I.E.P.) I'm going to write my first song for him about special education and beer. It'll go something like this:

Things don't always go quite as you plan
When you're raising up a special litttle maaaaaan
Listen mamas what else can I saaaaay?
Fuck the I.E.P. and grab an I.P.A......

When the laundry's spilled out all over the floor
And the lunch box stinks next to the kitchen door
When you can't find nothing good about your daaaay
Fuck the I.E.P. and grab an I.P.A....

(Bridge)

Life is sadly not bucolic
Don't become an alcoholic
But when school is not a frolic
TRUST ME WHEN I SAY!....
Fuck the I.E.P. and grab an I.P.A.

(Drum roll) Do it today.
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Dear Wealthy Video Game Programmers:

I'd like to thank you for creating electronic devices for my son that no doubt pay your fancy mortgages so he can rot his brain on our couch in the house that I'm trying to pay for to keep him safe and protected.

I'd like to thank you for spinning your DS Addiction as "education" since electronics are the wave of the future.

I'd like to thank you for making me over think my parenting style, one that includes hoping my child will continue to read, write, do math, science experiments and create his own games... You know, the kind of games in the back yard that include water, sticks and dirt.

The kind where he drags the mud onto our piano and I get irked but that just means a lesson in washing hands and responsibility.

I'd like to thank you for the tears and wails on Monday when, on our Halloween themed 7PM walk to check out spooky decorations, I told my son that I loved him too much to watch his intelligence shrink and that we'd be off the DS by Thanksgiving.

I'd like to thank you for making other parents feel like they are doing a disservice to their children by not letting their kids play games DS games because, you know, we don't want our kids to be deprived and feel like odd balls and misfits compared to the rest of the world who is giving into this soul sucking madness.

I'd like to thank you for making me question who I want my children hanging out with: Is it artists, future change agents (who are currently the dorks of the classroom and play yards) or is it the zombie robots in their consumer hipster clothes patting each other on the back as they run faster and faster on that electronic hamster wheel toward mediocrity?

I'm not sure what Steve Jobs would say about the DS, but I do know that he didn't create Apple spending his days battling giant mushrooms.

Here's to faith over fear. The faith that our kids can be strong and weird and brilliant despite the mediocrity that surronds them (and a few tics.)

I'm over wanting any of my kids to be "accepted" by the unworthy. I'm beyond grateful they are beautiful and strong wolves surrounded by a motley pack who don't need to look down at mini sized computer screens. Instead, they can look up and howl at the moon.

Happy Weekend.


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It took me a very long time to use the word "special needs" in regards to my son. To me, it used to signify "failure" or "not good enough" or "that kid that stood out - not in a good way."

Now special needs means something else. It means that he, like every child, cannot be put into a box. He needs the balance of creativity and discipline, accountability and letting things slide, seriousness and humor.

The term also describes his mother. Did you know that I have special needs? The need to not be interrupted every other minute? The need to sometimes sleep for 10 hours/day so I don't put my kids into Foster Care? (Oh my God, my kid would be put on the special needs waiting list and that just irks me to no end. Die stupid pride, die!)

Do you know that I have a need to be nurtured and thought of on days other than my birthday, Christmas and Mothers Day? I have a need for silence when the tics are driving me batty. I have a need for laughter when I'm overly caught up in school issues and doctor appointments and about to drown in exhaustion at 8PM but still have one more chapter of Captain Underpants to slug through.

But mostly, I have the special need to let my son and daughter know every single day that they are loved, even when they are not acting their best.

This means that yesterday, despite being told by my son that he was given a five minute time out at school for interrupting the teacher (again) I gave him a new pair of Vans sneakers I scored at a thrift store for $7.99.

Before starting our traditional Taco Tuesday meal, I paused in the kitchen. I placed my hand on his shoulder. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Stink, do you know that I will always love you no matter what? That's called unconditional love. It means that even on some rough days, you are still 100% my favorite guy in the world.

He took the bag. He excitedly lifted out the shoes.

Me: Do you like it!?  Do you know you don't have to be perfect to get a present? Just being you is a gift!"

Stink was all smiles. I could tell this was going to be one of those memories makers. Then he sort of froze as he lifted out the sneakers.

Stink: Um, Mom, this is not what I thought you had bought me. 

#1: When did I go from "Mama" to "Mom?" Is he going to sprout chin hairs by night fall?

#2: I realized then and there that my little life lesson was done for the day.Chalk it up to his special needs and not saying the right thing. Chalk it up to him being almost 9 and acting like a turd.

But here's my special needs: A nap! Someone else is picking up my kids today and I'm going to crash like the dead.

Right after I sell those new Vans on Ebay for triple what I paid for them. I have the need for another pedicure. His shoes are going to take care of that just fine. 


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I realized after my last post about the DS that I didn't update you all about our trip to the naturopath. Two things came out of it:

1. We need to continue our gluten free/caesin free lifestyle. (Our "lifestyle" sounds very controversial, doesn't it? Hailing all conservatives! Our lifestyle needs as much support as the average foodie! Don't deny us our rights! Vote Yes on Prop Tic today!)

2. The DS has to go.

Yup, my savior Dr. Carroll was eloquent and compassionate and, in the end, quite persuasive and scienfitic, about why electronics are bad for kids.

The Electronics For Dummies version (I'm referring to myself as the dummy... I'm quite sure all of you have PhD's in neuroscience, so forgive me in advance) is that the high speed frequency of the characters on the video screen overstimulate childrens' frontal lobes. These frontal lobes are the main docking stations for impulse control, concentration and critical thinking. When this part of the brain gets overloaded, some kids that are very sensitive (hello, TS mamas, you know whose kids I'm talking about) their focus and self-control goes out the window.

Some kids can handle the DS in very structured increments. It's not that they are immune to this overstimulation, but like a person who has a drink a glass of red wine on occasion (or even 2... ahem) the activity doesn't cause harmful side affects since their immune system is full of good food and water.

But give a dehydrated person not just one glass of wine but 3 - and do this on a regular basis - and what you end with is a really messed up individual who simply can't operate at their best capacity.

The negative effects of this constant binging spills into their every day activities, leaving them foggy and disoriented. It leaves the people in their lives - the ones who desperately want to connect with them - living in the wake of their compulsive demons.

Such is an addict's dilemna. 

My son, unfortunately, is addicted to DS. 

So, on that note, we are on a detox plan. It will be gone by Thanksgiving.

More to come on. Would love your thoughts on this. 

* Photo from Allposters. I have no illusions of morphing into an Ozzy and Harriet family playing board games. But really, would that be such a bad idea? You know, being a family? The concept is odd... I am aware... just think about it.
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1. It over stimulates the frontal lobes causing your kid, who is already a bit ADHD, to turn into a spastic chicken on crack jonesing for his next hit.

2. Despite setting limits (weekends only) you're tired about being nudged every weekend the moment you walk in the door, "Can I play it now? Can I play it now?"

3. You are tired of hearing stories about Koopa kids and Mario in church, on the way to school, on the way home from school, on the way to the shower, in the shower, at bedtime and likely when they are sleep talking which you don't really hear since you yourself are dead to the world from exhaustion after hearing about Cheesy Koopa all day.

4. If you don't ban the DS, you'll be smoking giant mushrooms instead of hearing about them on the video screen.

5. You start to realize that your kid can remember the exact hour of the day you told him he could play his DS but he can't remember his homework 3 days in a row.

6. You are done with the ruminating about "Well, my kid has tics so taking away the DS isn't going to fix the TS" and yet, when he's not on the DS for at least a week, his tics are down 75%, along with his attention span going up.

7. You do the math and realize that even on a good weekend of your kid only playing DS 4 hours total, that 4 hours could be spent learning piano or drums. Which means by the time the kid is 18 he could be a professional musician instead of an amateur couch potato living with you with no girlfriend because he's an adult who can't communicate and insists on wearing bright blue overalls with a red skull cap. Add in some tics and you have nothing short than a free ride on the short bus for life.

8. You want to piss off all the consumers in the world who are convincing themselves that hand held devices are the way of the future and if we don't let our kids have them they will be sneak them anyway and we're robbing them of their childhood when, it's possible, DS's are an excuse to keep their kids quiet for a few hours a day so mom and dad can get some peace. (And yes, I'm one of those moms and dads. I get it. But some short team pain - getting rid of the DS and giving my kid something productive to do plus some bonding with his parents (board games, anyone?) - is worth it for some long term gain of a slower brain which means less tics and more focus.

9. Long term gain of no DS means less short term gain of weight from allowing those stupid cartoon characters to be the only ones moving in your kid's life.


10. Scientific research is proving that long term use of video games short circuits our kids' brains. Which means we then have to consider drugs to undue that damage. Those drugs could case weight gain, lethargy and whole host of other problems which means more drugs to up their serotonin levels. Does all this seem a bit ridiculous to you?

Feel free to add to this list. You will not convince me that there is a balance when it comes to the DS. For my son, it's like telling an alcholic "okay, only drink 3 margaritas on the weekends" and then don't think about it all week long. Addiction simply doesn't work. This sucker is going to be gone by Christmas.

Have a lovely day.

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It's been about 2 years since Stink has seen the wonderful Dr. Carroll for his tics. Doc Carroll specializes in natural approaches to wellness. Unlike Western medicine docs who mostly have no idea how to treat Tourettes other than to offer mind numbing medicine, Doc Carroll has worked with us to find "triggers" for Stink's tics. You can read this Babycenter article I wrote to get a better idea of his overall practice.

While I am not saying that Dr. Carroll has eliminated all of Stink's tics, I know without a doubt that if we weren't on his recommended diet, we'd be far worse off. Stink would be much more hyper, much less focused, and likely less healthy. (We eat pretty close to the earth around here!)

In closing, I have to be honest by stating that my husband finds environmental medicine a bit like voo doo. I used to really care about what Rex thought. After all, we are raising our kids together, and I understand that Rex is terrified about hurting Stink inadvertantly through some wacky supplement that could possibly turn Stink purple and give him an extra toe.

At the same time, I've been on this journey for 5 years now. I know, in every fiber of my being, that we are in good hands with Doc Carroll. I know that this diet has made a difference. I also know that just because my dear husband doesn't understand everything there is to life does not mean that other alternative treatments are wrong. Perhaps, sadly, it's time to admit that Rex's thinking is a bit skewed. I am holding my ground here.

In closing, Rex threw a bit of a fit about our 4PM appointment today. 

I told him I wasn't backing down.

Lo and behold, guess who is coming to the appointment with me? Surprise surprise... like Tourettes, marriage is a dance of standing firm, holding your ground, pushing, pulling, loving, supporting, gently admonishing, and above all, forgiveness.

Today, I am once again working on forgiving my husband for not always seeing eye to eye with me. I am forgiving the tics for interrupting my fantasy of what I thought my son's childhood would be. And I'm forgiving myself for not being stronger sooner. But hey, that's life. Like tics, some days we're up, some days we're down. I hope you are having an up day! Stay strong! I'm here for you.

 * Photo taken from my favorite art site Allposters. It very well represents where I'm at these days in regards to TS and life: I care about the things I can change, but what I can't, I'm releasing. Sure, I have my off days, but why bother getting crazy? I aim to laugh and love and, in the end, if I've raised confident happy kids (and raised myself the same) who really gives a shit? Til next time.

You can follow me on Facebook or by clicking on the orange RSS feed button located at the bottom right.
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It's easy, especially in the beginning of a new diagnosis, to freak out over the "what if's?"
Maybe you're like I was:

* What if my son or daughter is that kid who curses?
* What if they have debilitating OCD?
* What if they have ADHD so bad they can't do school work?
* What if they are bullied and have no friends?

What if, what if, what if, what if, what if!???

What if, for just today, you lived right where you are? Not in the future of scary destructive possibilites.
Not in the past before tics took over your life.

RIGHT HERE.

What if you did that? Do you think you might have even a 5% chance of feeling better?

As for myself, what if I took myself down to Starbucks, bought two pumpkin lattes, and headed out to the mountains where I will write my book and Topanga T outlines her troll trilogy?

By filling my future with joyous possiblity, my kid will still tic, but I will fill myself with peace and light and literature and, wow, that is the kind of "what if" I plan on doing a lot more of.

What if you tried this also?

Until tomorrow...

* Photo taken of kids at Topanga T's this summer. Every Wednesday we'd haul ourselves to her little artist cabin. They would watch a classic Disney movie and then paint with her art supplies while we wrote. Add in a bull dog, a mastiff, lots of gluten free snacks, and wild roaming peacocks outside her window, and tics don't have as much of a strong hold.
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As many of you know, Stink is gluten free/casein free. He still tics – more this year than he has in the past – but regardless, he has what one might consider a “minor” case of TS. 

 * Note: For new moms, one nose scrunch every ten minutes translates to “SOUND THE ALARMS  MY KID HAS SEVERE NEUROLOGICAL ISSUES MY HUSBAND DOES NOT UNDERSTAND BUT I DO AND IT SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS.”  

But trust me, while I have been in your shoes and more than validate your concerns, a few face twitches  is a “less than minor” issue.  With proper diet, it might even become “Less than less than less” of a problem.

Now that I’m done speaking in "less than’s", let’s get right to the point of this post which is to encourage you to consider a gluten free diet for your child to help ease tics a bit. It’s easier than you think. Here are ten pointers to move you in the right direction.

1.       Start Small: Before throwing out every bit of gluten in your pantry, finish it off and slowly replace it with new items when you run out. No more Cheerios? Buy Rice Crispies. Spaghetti all eaten? Time to switch to rice noodles. Or perhaps these corn based noodles.
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This brand is a bit more expensive than traditional rice pastas - $2.39/box – and the portions are smaller. But they are delicious. Many of their pasta products can be found here.

2. Buy A New Item Each Time You Shop:  While it’s true that some gluten free items taste like the inside of Priority Mail envelope, others are such a lovely surprise you don’t even care that they don’t have flour! Like these lemon cookies.  

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3.       Check Out Some Gluten Free Blogs: Gluten Free Goddess  and Gluten Free Girl  are quite popular. I’ll sometimes look at them just to admire the photography and inspire me to keep turning  my clay rocks… I mean pizza dough… into beautiful creations.

4.      Buy Pre-made: While a tad more expensive, premade items can be big time savers as well as delicious snack and meal options. (Not to mention cash saved on therapy from pulling your hair out over the stove. Think of the money you'll save on wine!) Some of my favorite snacks are the Glutino brand crackers and pretzles.
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Other Glutino products can be found here.

One of my favorite gluten free meals are the chicken nuggets by Ian.
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5. Do Your Research: It's always more time consuming at the beginning of your gluten free journey, but once you get the hang of shopping and cooking, it will get easier. It helps to make a meal plan in advance. This can be accomplished both by checking out blogs, online recipes and cookbook (may I suggest Amazon used cookbooks for cheap?) as well as logging into different store websites and seeing a list of their products. A few examples of these lists include:
A. Whole Foods
B. Trader Joes
C. Sprouts.

6. Have Some Patience: No one said a change is easy. If you can have a little faith and not take it all so seriously, gluten free cooking doesn't have to be a nightmare. You won't see changes in your kid's tics overnight, nor will you see them instantly focused if ADHD is suspected. But if you stick to your guns for at least 31 days, you will at least know if going gluten free is working for you or not. I would suggest no cheating at all! (Yes, that is hard. But we're not starving in Africa. A little self-discipline is good for the whole family.) Speaking of...

7. Get the Whole Family Involved: If you're going to cook gluten free for your child, you might as well know what it tastes like. Get everyone in the family involved. Get them cooking with you! Have lots of fun treats ready so the changes don't seem so massive.

8. Keep a Food Log: Keeping a daily log that tracks both the food, as well as your child's moods and tics, are a great way to see what is working and what isn't (both taste wise and twitch wise!)

9. Eliminate the Bread Last: I've found that bread is the hardest thing to get used to, along with getting rid of flour tortillas. Trader Joes makes an awesome bread that is not bad toasted. It's less expensive than Whole Foods by a long shot. Their Brown Rice tortillas are quite good as well.
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Many people have had success with bread makers. You can get them for cheap on Craigslist as well as thrift stores. If you're not a baker or a natural born cook (that would be me) I would add this into your repertoire once you are more used to your gluten free lifestye.

10. Don't Talk, Just Do It: I believe in talking to my kids as much as the next mom, but I've also found that in overtalking I can complicate things. My son doesn't really have much of a choice in gluten free cooking, so why go on and on? This is how I cook, and this is what we're going to eat. Also, when he was younger, I set the tone. Since I didn't make a big deal out of our food, Stink didn't either. He's just got used to it. We try to laugh and take things easy around these here parts. Tics are complicated enough. We don't need to make a drama out of food.

So, that's it for now! Let me know what you think of this list, if you've tried going gluten free, and what your results have been! More to come this week!


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I've made it a goal this year to be sure to pay mindful attention to Pipsqueak, one and half years younger than Stink. It's not that I haven't adored her from the moment she screamed like a banchie at birth and earned her nickname, it's just that she is so much more self-contained than her brother. She's the organization to Stink's mess. She's the logic to Stink's silliness. She's the "Let's read the Secret Garden in front of the fire" to Stink's "Knock Knock" fart jokes.

With Stink having strep, it was just Pip and I waking at dawn to attend their school's pancake breakfast. We were in charge of the gluten free rock brownies... I mean, the healthy non-flour batch. Together @ 7:30 am we stirred, flipped and served.

Well, she stirred, flipped and served.

It didn't take long for her to realize that her mama (much more like Stink than I care to admit) made circles that looked more like used baseball mits with missing fingers than circular pancakes.

"I got it",  she'd tell me softly, nudging me gently away.

"I'll let you be for a while," I'd respond, chit chatting with other mamas and then circling back.

The fact is, I'd rather her not need me than me not pay attention to her needs. It's true that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and that can be the case with many special need families. We give to the one who needs it. But really, sometimes what our TS kid "needs" is for us to detatch and not worry about their every move (tic or not.) There are plenty of others in the family that could use the focus.

Including ourselves!

So on that note -  tonight, after our family dinner, I'm off to a cocktail party without the kids. A writer friend of mine is turning 50. I was blessed to be invited to the festivities. An excuse to celebrate someone else, rather than look inward and worry about things I can't control, couldn't come at a better time. (Jennifer is an awesome writer and mama of two who has contributed some pretty stellar articles to the Huffington Post. Go check her out and say hi from me!)

Until next time, I hope you're less flipped out about TS and instead flipping for the other members of your family (and yourself) who could use some attention and pure joy!

* Photo of my Pipsqueak and me from this morning.
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For those of you who don't live on the East Coast and missed the TS documentary Different is the Normal, you can watch it here.

Meanwhile, how is everyone?

Stink's updates

* Tics are up, but then again, we just got back from the doc. Stink has strep. Funny how that works.
* We got an appointment with Mr. Big Shot UCLA doctor for November! It's our first time seeing a TS specialist. I'm so excited. Even though Stink has a mild to medium case, as a mother entering those precarious tween years, I can't do this alone anymore. I need a guide so that I can guide Stink. I want someone who does this for a living to talk over nutrition, ADHD, behavior expectations and more.  I'm thrilled to have options should we choose meds at some point.
* Halloween excitement is in full force around these here parts. I used to dread this holiday, aka the name "Tic or Treat". Now, it is what it is. Ironically enough, Stink's doc appt. is the day after Halloween, so he'll be at his highest tic wise, but I suppose that's the way it should be. I want the doc seeing him when he's not on any diet. I want balance for Stink: Healthy most times, but some times of cheating. I fear if we don't strike that balance he'll be that kid in highschool humping the candy machines when I'm not looking.(Knowing I'll be seeing a true professional after Tic or Twitch... I mean, trick or treating, will keep me from dressing up as a bottle of valium.)

My updates

I'm still on the road to letting stuff roll off my back. I love my kids, my husband and my family, but detaching is proving to be glorious for my mental health. In the past two weeks I have:
* Taken on 2 reviews for my local paper, one allowing me to go to a show at the Ford Theatre on a Thursday night with my sister tagging along as a guest. We were treated to V.I.P. seating and even grabbed dinner before hand. Can we say "decadent for 500?"
* I'm walking daily which is a godsend in letting go of the tension. I haven't yet started karate. I'm considering tap dance instead. You know, because every 42 year old six one woman needs to blow some steam off to The Good Ship Lolly Pop.
* I'm meeting Topanga T two days a week to write. I'm slowly finding my voice for my tic book while she's knee deep in the land of trolls for a sci fi fantasy trilogy. Oh yeah, our subject matter is so similar! No wonder we're so close. :)
* Laughter - I'm finding something to laugh about every day.

Your updates

Moms out there - I have 2 tips for you this weekend:
1. Write out what your ideal plan to navigate tics is: A new doctor, a book, an acupuncturist? What will help you help your child?
2. Do something for yourself! I say start with moving your body. It really helps.

Who wants to leave a comment and let me know your plans? You deserve it!

Well, I'm off to meet my mom for lunch. If my kid can't be at school, we can at least do an all you can eat buffet. Lots of gluten free options at this joint. Why the heck not. I'll sell a thrift store vintage ski jacket on Ebay and cover the lunch, because that's how I roll.

Stay in touch!


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