My darlnig nephew lives 30 minutes away and I haven't seen him since Christmas Eve.

My sister-in-law, however, keeps me in the loop with all the important stuff, including news of the most recently celebrated penis festival in Japan.

I can't make this stuff up, people.

....If you can't finish that title song, you're younger than me. So good for you.

As for my 39 year old self, who seems to be getting older by the day but attempting to think positive, I feel a bit waylaid today. (And not the way laid definition of my Good Housekeeping writing, to be clear.) 

I'm tired. I'm feeling guilty about missing a writing group that I thought was tomorrow but is today and I simply can't get it together after my kids' bootcamp swim lessons that we get to by the skin of our teeth.

I feel bad for getting my daughter to a farm themed party late on Saturday because I got lost. Not that Pip needs an animal themed fiesta since she already lives in a zoo.

I seem to always forget to read those papers that come home from kindergarten and preschool, then wonder why my kids are the only ones in Luau gear when there wasn't really a luau but instead a meeting FOR the luau.

Which of course I don't attend because, well, I guess I don't care about my kids as much as I care about my own selfish need to write scripts and blogs and Ebay and teach classes and walk with Rex at lunch and pretend that I'm really this Super Mom who is balancing it all so well until twenty years from now I run late for Pip's bridal dress fitting for a wedding which I can GUARANTEE IS NOT LUAU OR FARM THEMED and she reminds me, "Yeah, Mom, some things never change. Remember when I almost missed that hay ride at Nathan's party because you do too much?"

And so, now that Weebly isn't posting my blogs 1000 times causing me to take an hour out of my life to delete them one by painful one when I should be applying for Mother of the Year by making lunches in advance, I'm going to collapse on our forty dollar thrift store! die sofa! die! couch with my husband and try to apply what I've learned from "Camp Cognitie Thinking" by saving the distorted thoughts for the animated characters I am writing as opposed to my rambling brain.

You know, the characters that I would never turn into the producer late because I'm too busy getting my kids late to school? Yeah, those ones.

Happy Wednesday.

So Ellen and I rolled into our pitch meeting today. She, more than me, due to her fancy chair on wheels. I laughed at her for forgetting her shoes, but then was told that she doesn't wear shoes much since she DOESN'T WALK.

So then I gave her shit about wearing her "circulation socks" which were really nothing but nylon socks but whatever. If you can't tease your partner, than who can you tease? (Oh, your husband, but he's your partner also. This is getting complicated.)

The long and the short of it (this also describes Ellen and I) is that the meeting went well. All pitches were delivered without fainting, puking or general rambling on's. One in particular was their favorite (ours too) and we're turning it into a three minute script by Friday.

Lest you think we're going to make boatloads, let me reassure you:

1. No money crosses hands until our idea is not only written, but then sold to someone who is crazy enough to think we can handle a show.

2. This lovely meeting was only feasible thanks to divine luck from a fateful kindergarten tour last year when I bumped into a woman I had never met in my life but in twenty minutes we decided we liked each other and started meeting once/month at Nordstrom for coffee. I suckered her into inviting me to her writing group and from there I met an exec who works at this animation studio and that is that.

3. I wasn't really that nervous. Unlike the "please" and "Oh God I Hope's" of my early 30's/late 20's, my almost 40s find me in the pretty different place of "Wow, I have all I really need in a sweet little cull de sac in the Valley... everything else is gravy."

Which, with this attitude, is precisely why one day I WILL BE TOO GOOD FOR YOU BECAUSE THEY WILL DEVELOP OUR SCRIPT INTO A TV SHOW AND MAKE US RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICH.

Okay, I won't be too good for you. But I hope to be rich. I'll send you all tickets. Or cash. Or the rest of my thriftstore supply. Whatever you like.

Have a great weekend!

Paragraph.

Yes, I did cook and clean on Mothers Day. I also went food shopping. Why? Because I AM A MOTHER. And that's what moms do.

I don't know about you, but I'm sick and tired of these Hallmark made holidays that guilt our husbands into feeling like they have to spend at least a hundred dollars on us to show us how much they care. With so many women who can't have kids, I am lucky that I have a family and spouse to work my tail bone off for.

You know what makes this attitude even easier? My Thursday night hotel stay stay - sans kids and husband. (Come on, do you really think I'm that selfless?)

How was your Mother's Day?

There's been an epidemic at the Frazer household. It started out with just a few cases, but it's quickly morphed into a full mode attack.

At first Rex and I panicked, but then we got into prevention mode. This entails lots of quarantining (of both children in their rooms or us in ours.)

It means extra supplies in the form of red wine, sleep and the occasional shot of chocolate.

* Note: Some parents don't believe in immunizing their children with alone time. I am not one of them. And frankly, from experience, I've found that if you don't take immediate preventative measures you will soon be infected with this nasty virus yourself.

I am keeping this post short as I've had to take full scale measures to keep myself from sniveling in a ball at the bottom of the stairs where my children so often sit while they ride out their sickness. I will be going to a hotel for a blissful 24 hours away. Rex will not be joining - he'll be attending to the whine flu victims. But some of my good mom friends might join me.

Happy Mothers Day to all of you who are moms. Those of you who aren't, feel free to take over for a friend who has children. My suggestion: Bring a mask and a flask. You'll need both.