I never realized how many men I had in my life. First, there's my ex-gay boyfriend, Bruce. He's coming over to meet the kids next week and I couldn't be more thrilled. Even my non-excitable Rex has his interest piqued.

Then there's my ex-TV writing partner. No one makes me laugh like Herbie. We haven't seen each other since his two children, super close in age to my two, entered into his life. The strike happened, he got a job as a producer on the life-changing FX show Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (Just MXE to the frat crowd. You know who you are. You're probably living with one.) Don't know it? Consider yourself lucky. It's a Japanese reality show with American subtitles. Herbie's job was to write jokes. I don't think I've ever heard more references to sex, farting and boobs in my life - and I write a sex column.

Last week he came by the house due to a court ticket he had to pay down the street. I pitched out an idea in my brain and he told me to run with it. We're going to write it up. Given that our last job together was for Carsey Werner's Good Girls Don't - once entitled My Roommate's a Big Fat Slut (shocking it didn't make it) I'm not exactly betting the farm on our pilot. But just to write again... To trade silly quips with someone who makes me chuckle... well, I couldn't be more thrilled.

I love my family. I love Rex. But I forget how much I loved writing for the studio also. And the late nights of the writing room. Oh, the stories I could tell if I didn't want to sound like an old woman reliving her glory days.

More to the point, my short lived TV career was never about the money - Lord knows I never really made it big - but the fun of the "what if" is so exhilirating. I am over worrying about if I sound like a name dropper. If I'm writing to somehow cover up some deep seated secret in my soul. If I am somehow so flawed or insecure or unhappy about real life that I have to hide under blogs or scripts or magazine articles. I'm tired of wondering if perhaps I'm really a phony. The honest to God truth? I am either going to write and create or go crazy. Unlike the "what if's" of my children's health or my husband's job in this economy, I thrive on the "what if's" of the creative world.

What are your "What If's?"

* Photo: Yes siree, that's my Herbie at my wedding. Don't ask me why I wore pink. If that's the biggest regret of my life, I can deal with it.


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 More of my writing can be found daily at BabyCenter and Good Housekeeping.

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