Stink has been really testing me lately. I mean, driving me bonkers. I can see why, when kids get older, one inevitably remarks, "Mom, you loved the other one more."

In our case, not only is Stink more crafty, causing me to run down the street in horror that he's lost, only to find him under the dining room table "sleeping" but he also has the special diet, so although I might spend ten more minutes at night plying him with vitamins, fish oil and extra supplements, Pip still gives me the, "You never spend that time with me."

In spite of the holiday season, or perhaps because of it, the kids have really amped up the "it's not fair" and "you never" brigade. In the spirit of Dooce's monthly letters I have one for my own little rugrats.

"Dear Pip, it doesn't seem to matter that when Stink is at school we go out for candy almost religiously. It doesn't seem to make a difference that we dine on forbidden carbs, watch extra television or leisurely feed ducks at the park. I will always be the "No Lady" with the breath of Diet Coke and the car reeking of fries - you know - the ones that you get when your brother isn't around.

And Stink, even though I've figured out a way to feed you amazing food without having to resort to medication, I realize that you will always view me as the horrific mother who wouldn't let you suck on red food dye #5 at the Christmas party, making you more hopped up than Whitney Houston at a music show.

Precious whiners of mine, I'm realizing that, at the end of the day, there are only four truths:

1. You are limitless pits of need

2. I'm never going to fill that pit myself, no matter how hard I try. And that, my friends, is...

3. ...the pits

4. There's no depth to my pit of love for you. I hope you will always know that.

And to answer your question from bedtime Stink, "No, I am not really a stepmother. I am, however, just the littlest bit evil. And when you have a son or daughter one day who gives you a hard time over taking their enzyme pill, I'll do what any good mother would do and Laugh. My. Ass. Off."

Hope this clears the air.

Mommy


* Photo taken during their "restaurant meal" in front of our fire. Guess who was the waitress and clean up crew? Look how happy Stink is? Poor dude, eating organic food by fireside.

 More of my writing can be found daily at BabyCenter and Good Housekeeping.





 


Comments

Travis Erwin

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 11:11:30

They'll figure all of this out about the time they turn 30.

 

Heidi

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 12:30:05

My Dad always told me, "You deserve a daughter, just like you. Difficult." I got her, alright.

She's 7 months old and already fighting me with bedtime! Oh, the toddler years will be F-U-N!

I feel ya, sweety, I truly do.

 

Gretchen

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 16:17:09

Oh, my. So well done and well written.

with love,
Stupid and Embarrassing Mom

 

Sprite's Keeper

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 17:19:10

Oh, so we're allowed to be a little bit evil?
Score!

 

Dapoppins

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 17:33:18

My mother loves to come to my home, sit at my kitchen and chuckle for hours on end.

Is this why?

 

phd in yogurtry

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:22:10

Ah, feels good to get that off your chest, doesn't it? I do sometimes, often, always think that siblings are fairness meters with infinite degrees of calculation. It is exhausting. It can be infuriating. It is easy to take personally, as in, "am I being fair?"

Just today I said for the 1 millionth time, "sometimes life isn't fair." Bottom line? It ain't.

 

Just Jiff

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 11:56:55

LOL. This is hilarious. I've got some time before I have to deal with this...but wow. Very entertaining. lol!

 

naomig

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 12:07:06

I could have written this letter myself. My mother laughs with glee.

 

Deb

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 21:36:23

Poor thing. Everyone told me, when I was pregnant with baby #2 (and worried that there was no way I could love anything as much as I loved baby #1), that even though I didn't know how it was possible, I would love baby #2 as much. And they were right.

What they didn't tell me was that I now had TWO people competing for every smile, every hug, every word and that my heart would be pulled in different directions every second of every day, the doubt about my abilities to give them both the attention they deserved wold keep me up at night and the guilt would bring me to tears at times. Two kids doubles the love - but the guilt and the doubts expand exponentially.

 

Susie Q

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 19:07:30

My Mom SO laughs at my Diva daughter's antics! It is my punishment for MY obnoxious pre-teen behavior! : ) Or so SHE says!!
Dan was an easy kid but oh the teen years. Ouch! At least we will never have to wonder what is on Grace's mind...she lays it all out there for all to see.

I love the way you write...wow i love each word.

Love,
Sue

 

JCK

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 16:35:40

Bottomless pits of need, indeed. You speak the truth, Mama. Very well written. You could frame it and put it in their room. ;)

 



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