Stink has been really testing me lately. I mean, driving me bonkers. I can see why, when kids get older, one inevitably remarks, "Mom, you loved the other one more."

In our case, not only is Stink more crafty, causing me to run down the street in horror that he's lost, only to find him under the dining room table "sleeping" but he also has the special diet, so although I might spend ten more minutes at night plying him with vitamins, fish oil and extra supplements, Pip still gives me the, "You never spend that time with me."

In spite of the holiday season, or perhaps because of it, the kids have really amped up the "it's not fair" and "you never" brigade. In the spirit of Dooce's monthly letters I have one for my own little rugrats.

"Dear Pip, it doesn't seem to matter that when Stink is at school we go out for candy almost religiously. It doesn't seem to make a difference that we dine on forbidden carbs, watch extra television or leisurely feed ducks at the park. I will always be the "No Lady" with the breath of Diet Coke and the car reeking of fries - you know - the ones that you get when your brother isn't around.

And Stink, even though I've figured out a way to feed you amazing food without having to resort to medication, I realize that you will always view me as the horrific mother who wouldn't let you suck on red food dye #5 at the Christmas party, making you more hopped up than Whitney Houston at a music show.

Precious whiners of mine, I'm realizing that, at the end of the day, there are only four truths:

1. You are limitless pits of need

2. I'm never going to fill that pit myself, no matter how hard I try. And that, my friends, is...

3. ...the pits

4. There's no depth to my pit of love for you. I hope you will always know that.

And to answer your question from bedtime Stink, "No, I am not really a stepmother. I am, however, just the littlest bit evil. And when you have a son or daughter one day who gives you a hard time over taking their enzyme pill, I'll do what any good mother would do and Laugh. My. Ass. Off."

Hope this clears the air.

Mommy


* Photo taken during their "restaurant meal" in front of our fire. Guess who was the waitress and clean up crew? Look how happy Stink is? Poor dude, eating organic food by fireside.

 More of my writing can be found daily at BabyCenter and Good Housekeeping.

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