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May All Your Fantasies Come True 02/09/2009
14 Comments
 

 

In my ever searching quest to find myself and not annoy the general public at large, I’ve been trying to be quieter. Trying to not randomly open doors into other peoples’ Mercedes. Not leaving ten empty spaces ahead of me at the pharmacy line, making cranky eighty year olds in line for Viagra refills put their arthritic middle finger up at me. (Since nothing else is going up, apparently.) Not getting to the front of crowded Starbucks lines and taking ten minutes deciding between latte, soy and that overpriced holiday drink that smells like cinnamon but tastes like a faux version of J-Lo’s perfume mixed with diesel bought at TJ Max for $1.99. That kind of thing.

So today, while at my daugher’s preschool, I let all 6’1 of me hunker into a chair in the lobby. I didn’t look up. I didn’t engage in conversation. I didn’t catch the eye of my favorite assistants and ask about how their bunny rabbit who got in a fight with a skunk last Tuesday at 9PM was doing. I just filled out my teacher appreciation cards.

But some people gave me the stink eye anyway. You know, those moms. The ones with kids named after streets or cities. The ones with hair-do’s flippier than Jennifer Aniston but not quite as bowl headed as Carol Brady’s. 


“No, I’m just being insecure,” I thought. “Stop it, Andrea! You are not doing anything out of the ordinary.”

 
After what seemed to be a rather long stare from a woman who looked like Barbie crossed with Angelina Jolie’s lips (or that Octuplet mom’s), I finished up my last card, grabbed my cup of coffee from the table next to me, and started to leave.

 That’s when I noticed the thing in my hand that had these good Catholic women snickering.


More of my writing can be found daily at BabyCenter and Good Housekeeping.


 


Comments

Just Jiff link
02/10/2009 06:37

HAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!

That post cracked me up.

Reply
monnik link
02/10/2009 06:50

HA! That's funny.

You're 6'1"??? I'm so totally jealous!

I've missed you! I didn't realize you were blogging over here now, and when you updated your old blog, I saw the link. So much to catch up on!!!

Reply
naomig link
02/10/2009 09:48

That is the most awesomest mug EVER! I want one!

Reply
gretchen link
02/10/2009 13:12

As i try not to covet your height, I imagine how much more I could eat with 5 more inches.

Sigh.

Great mug.

Reply
Kristi link
02/10/2009 18:40

hahahahah :) That was awesome

Reply
Jenster link
02/10/2009 19:04

OH! They were coveting your cup!!

Reply
His Girl Amber link
02/10/2009 21:42

hahahahahahaha.

classic.

Reply
flutter link
02/10/2009 22:25

you are too funny.

Reply
Dapoppins link
02/11/2009 10:59

well that is a cup of coffee worth sniggering over.

Reply
valerie link
02/11/2009 19:49

did you check your fly, too? just to make sure it was up? i mean, if you're gonna embarrass yourself, you might as well go all the way!

Reply
karin link
02/13/2009 11:27

See. God is just making sure you make friends. that is so funny.

Reply
Deb link
02/14/2009 18:07

Holy Bad Blogger I have been horrible about catching up on my blogs! But how lucky for me that you have several posts which made me laugh, ponder life and Google for coffee cups =)

Reply
JCK link
02/14/2009 21:28

OH....wish I could have seen that.

We need to make a date!

Reply
amisare waswerebeen link
02/17/2009 09:24

Hee hee hee. I love it.

Reply



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