something is not the same..."

Some of you might know that song from Wicked. Some of you who read me at BabyCenter are most certainly sick of me talking about this damn show. But I'm telling you, every time I hear that musical - which is at least once/day (the kids love it also) I'm struck by the truth of what it sings about...

"I'm tired of playing by the rules of someone else's game..."

Some of you, perhaps many of you, have never struggled with people pleasing issues before. Or faith issues. Or relationship issues. You just take what is and are fine with it.

Or you struggle, but eventually give in. Or you are in a constant state of panic.

I'm somewhere in between. I am trying to not be a perfectionist, but at the same time, never give up on who I am. I am seeking to find my comfort in God, and yet don't want to divide myself from others who do not find comfort in that way.

Ah, but isn't that getting back to the people pleasing thing again? Of course it is. Because if I was really that secure in my faith in God, why would I care what others thought? Wouldn't I just shout it from the rooftops like so many other religious bloggers I know? And atheists for that matter?

But maybe God likes me the way I am - the person that can see both sides of the fence and love all the views. It certainly makes life more interesting.

But life would be more peaceful with one home only. One view. One steady panorama to fill my soul.

So, to be clear, here's where I am in the grand scope of it all:

* Those fence posts sure put splinters in my butt. (Wait, not that)

* I have no doubt that there is indeed a God (You're not going to convince me differently on that account.)

* I am leaning toward Jesus Christ because that works for me and I like what He has to say. I also feel more peace when I pray than in anything else I do. I have seen prayer work in my life - and in my gut - it just feels right. I am tired of ignoring that pang.

* As a Catholic, I find incredible peace in the mass and the ritual. It allows me to seek God in a way that is comforting to me. I know that many non-Catholics are adamantly against "going through the saints and Mary" and prefer the straight channel to God. If that works for you, I think that's awesome. But I'm sticking with what works for me right now. But who knows! Try and convert me to another church. But first, let me figure out where I stand in Christ first.


Other stuff?

* I am willing to forgive my husband for not being the ideal image of what I thought I was getting when I had no idea what marriage was about. (And I was married once before - now that's saying something!)

* I forgive my children for not being my mirror images who never make me upset, angry or frustrated. Not even when they throw their entire closet of clothes down the stairs because I have the audicity to get online for 20 minutes.

* And through my faith, I hope to one day forgive myself for being so hard on myself. Because I am far from perfect. (There's a lot of you out there rolling your eyes with an expression that can only be seen translated "Duh.")

You're going to see a different side of me over here at Pass the Zoloft that you might not have seen before. (No, I'm not going to become some Jesus Hippy blog, but I'm not going to shy away from stuff that really moves me or that I question. Because that is what being an authentic writer means - whether it's material others like or not. You have the choice to read or not. But I'm hoping you'll stick around!)

I ask you to be gracious, but honest, with your comments. Any degrading comments will be deleted - I don't care if you believe in Jesus Christ or the Zulu God of Paxil. We are all at different places in our lives and I'd like to see respect. If you want a cat fight, just visit my blogs at BabyCenter.

In closing, I must comment on this non-Zoloft thing. It's awesome, but it sure makes emotions a bit more ominous than they used to be. It was so much easier to just drug myself up and blame everything on my husband.)

For those interested in Catholicism, this woman writes more beautifully than I could ever hope to. Check her out. She's amazing.

More of my writing can be found daily at BabyCenter and Good Housekeeping.

 





 


Comments

Sprite's Keeper

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 06:06:40

I'm definitely interested to see what you have to say.
And thank goodness my Wicked CD is in my van, because I have a hankering for some Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoworth now!

 

Arwen

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 06:38:08

I am interested as well. I like who you are and your honesty and can't wait to read more. :)

 

His Girl Amber

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 07:05:33

Oh, girl, first of all, next time we meet in person, we will totally have to duet "I HAVE BEEN CHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDD for goood!"

for that's the way I feel about our friendship... I love that you are open and seeking. it's this peek into your heart that makes me all happy, and intrigued, and challenged.

I agree, you can't base what you believe on by what others will think (obviously) but I also think that you are not a fence-sitter. You are a seeker- you are pioneering out there, finding which way is right with an open mind and an open heart and there is nothing wrong with that.I think it's cool that in all that open-mindedness that you're hearing the voice of God. I love that you are choosing not to ignore it, and that you are entering into that peace that passes understanding not blindly, but honestly. That's incredible. When you land on the place where you are feeling confident about your faith, you will know what you believe and why you believe it... which is going to be such a testimony to those who are coming down the same road as you are.
It amazes me how many of your sentences in this post can be found in scripture... I think that's a sign that you're further along than you think you are.
I think God has big plans for you, Andrea... and I consider it a joy to know you.

 

phd in yogurtry

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 09:15:55

I bonded with a very good friend the day I wore my nun costume to a halloween party. We both went to catholic grade school. We each had a nun we dearly loved. We've both given up the catholicism, but we both love lighting candles. One day I will take a pic of my fireplace mantle -- a row of votives. We laugh that I've never gotten out of my system the lust to light those little red glass votives.

 

Daria

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 09:51:40

I believe in YOU. I love your honesty and feel lucky to know you. xoxo

 

meno

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 10:36:47

I love Wicked. Last time we were in NY we saw it two nights out of the four we were there.

Also, good for you. Sing it sister.

 

Darla

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 11:33:43

thanks for stumbling upon my blog, i'm loving reading yours, especially love the honesty you have going on. so refreshing to read honest thoughts and feelings. i'm all about that. i'll be keeping up with you...:D and glad you chunked the zoloft, i did the same! glad you are open minded too, i'm seeing my thoughts on your page...i love it.

 

naomig

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 13:14:06

Hi Andrea, I've always loved reading your stuff, ever since I first had kids, and happened upon your blog over at babycenter. And, I have to tell you, when I clicked on your blog, I prayed that you would find Jesus Christ, because I thought heaven really needs someone who sounded as wonderful as you. So today, when I read this post, it brought very happy tears to my eyes. It's so encouraging to see and hear how God is working in the hearts of individuals around the world. I will pray for you as you continue seeking. I am a Bible-believing Christian. I can also tell you that I certainly understand how comforting the ritual and tradition of Catholicism could be. That being said, talking directly to Jesus Christ, the Redeemer and Saviour of your soul, is a truly wonderful gift. And, from personal experience, I know that pleasing Him is what truly brings joy to my life. So don't worry about what the other folks think. Just because you may not agree with them, doesn't mean you can't share God's love with them, by letting it shine through you. So, is your blog name going to change to "Pass by the Zoloft" ??!! Congrats on that! What an achievement. I feel like my comment is wandering horribly... just know that you will by in my prayers as you continue your search for peace. :-)

 

steph at footnotes

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 13:32:46

First of all, nice to see you back here!

Secondly, congrats and good luck with the Zoloft-free thing. That takes courage!

Finally...the God thing. Sigh. We've talked about this before. I'll be reading with interest while muttering to myself. ;)

 

Jamie Willow

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 07:06:54

good for you. just stay honest and keep searching, that's a good place to be in. life is interesting and filled with many view points and personalities and there can be a lot of respect for each other when there are differences.
I happen to be a christ follower myself and understand completely what you mean when you said you have such peace when you pray. Jesus is in the business of peace. Some days I forget. So thanks for the reminder today :)

 

valerie

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 19:54:18

honey - you quote Wicked any.time.you.want.
i'm still ticked that i missed it when it was here in L.A....daaaang the Husband and his unemployment!!

and i'm with you. i need the stability and comfort that only a faith can bring. tell it as you feel it, i'll be here, along with others!

 

ms chica

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 18:03:02

It's your blog, you should always write as you see fit period.

 

sheryl

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 20:50:14

i loved this post. it is refreshing to see someone finding and seeking answers for themselves. i am a believer in Jesus Christ but i must admit that for a LONG time i believed things just because they were taught to me. know i believe them because they are real to me. i will love to go along on this journey with you.

oh and way to go kicking the zoloft!! that is something to be proud of.

 



Leave a Reply