Whether you celebrate Easter, Passover or you're simply a fan of Spring with all its colorful glory, there's little doubt that this time of year is about rebirth.
With my kids' caterpillars now living as butterflies somewhere in our little suburb (I'm hoping they've settled on tree branches and not windshields) I am once again drawn back to the theme of transformation. It seems that no one wants change, and yet, if we embrace it as a new beginning, rather than the death of an old habit, amazing life and adventures can come from this.
I, for one, used to hope, dream and relish such changes. I realize, as I'm nearing 40, that I don't transition as well as I once did. At twenty five, it seemed like nothing to go after a writing career - to go after a new man - to change my hair or go shopping to cure the blues. I did these things because, at the base of my soul, was optimism. I also had the safety net of my fabulous parents to fall back on should that show not work out. I knew I was loved. I knew that no failure would diminish me in their eyes.
But now, my dad is gone. My mom isn't her usual self. Poor Grandma Stella is in a bad way with her neck. My husband is off working like a fiend. And while he absolutely supports me, it's not his job to 100% fulfill me. Oh, God, I'm an adult! And adults work! And yet, despite my pouring my soul into a gig I really loved, I was let go.
My kids are off in school. And sometimes, like an old person might review their life, I sit at home in silence and reflect upon my past - how starkly different it is from where I am. Unlike when the kids were first born - when I had nothing but positive and outrageously wild expectations of their lives - I am now a bit more cautious. I've seen people die. I've received unexpected diagnoses. I've battled some demons in my brain and had to weigh the differences between healthy and toxic friendships, unrealistic expectations and settling in marriage, living for the earth of the earth or living of the Spirit.
I don't know what will happen to my family, my children or my husband. I certainly can't predict how the world will keep spinning. I can't predict war or famine. And while I can't say that I will never live in fear, I'm not going to go down without a fight.
My gift to myself at 40 - which is in 11 months? Run a half marathon, kick my nasty caffeine habit, live with joy, intention and careful detail to myself.
And more than anything, I aim to stay positive, not negative. Because I don't know why we're here on this earth. But I know that I am , and I don't plan on letting any insecurities block my path. Especially now that I've stopped drinking coffee after 3PM. I just don't have the energy for that crap.
What about you? Any Easter reflections? What are your plans for rebirth within yourself?
* Photo of Pip and Stink hunting Easter eggs on Sunday morning. I love how they checked the water meter with full enthusiasm. They were certain that eggs would be hidden in their favorite little hiding spot. They had no fears of black widows biting them. All they envisioned was candy. Like how I hope to live my life, they just went for it with the full confidence that sweet rewards would be theirs. (And they weren't disappointed.)
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