Go Away - Shoe! 08/24/2009
 
Once upon I time I decided to be a kind, caring, interesting mother.

My children would embark upon new adventures every day - ones that involved eclectic people, monarch butterflies, Spanish lessons and symphonies on CD from the public library. Stray puppies? Totally optional.
In my ideal world, we did not need money to be happy - simply time, openness and patience.

Ah, patience - there's the rub.

Because I refused to beat my children into submission, and screaming like a crazy lunatic did nothing for either of us, I decided to start chucking stuff.

Let me provide you with an example which occurred moments after I took my children, in the blaring heat, to the neighbor's pool. Why? Because I was still holding onto the hope that my kids would grow up and appreciate a mother who plays with them rather than sticks them in front of the television all day long. (Cue: Evil laugh.)

Me: Stink, get upstairs and take off your clothes for your bath.

Two minutes later I find him shuffling at the bottom of the stairs.

Stnk: Mooooommmmmy, my fish slippers are not letting me walk up the stairs.

Me: Not a problem.

I take the slippers and throw them out. They have holes and are smelly from two seasons of use anyway.

Lots of screaming, crying and tantruming ensues while I sit here, smiling smugly, blogging.

Yes, I am that mean of a mother. And I don't care today. Because I'm done.

The End..
 


Comments

Daria link
08/24/2009 14:10

I think we are all ready for school to start again. Hang in there mama.

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steph link
08/24/2009 14:58

What?! Screaming like a crazy lunatic doesn't work? Dumping them in front of the TV is bad? Crap!

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Jacqueline link
08/24/2009 16:37

Oh, I can't WAIT for preschool in September. I am doing the Hell YEA PRESCHOOL dance! Three blessed hours in the morning, to MYSELF.

And I save the TV for the ten precious minutes I get to take a shower :D

And if it makes you feel any better I let my kid literally cry herself to sleep late(ish) last night, sitting next to me on the couch and BEGGING to watch Ice Age. No kid, we're watching The Color Purple whether you LIKE IT OR NOT.

So don't feel TOO bad :D

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Sprite's Keeper link
08/24/2009 18:17

School soon? Yes? Happy? Yes?

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gretchen link
08/24/2009 18:24

You say you threw your children in the pool b/c they weren't listening? :)

Whatever works, my friend. You are a competent, caring, amazing, yet imperfect mother.

Who wants to be perfect? Really. Perfect is boring. Unless you're Caroline Ingalls. But I'm pretty sure you threw that bonnet out with the bathwater. xxxooo

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Arwen link
08/24/2009 19:36

That sounds a lot like our day. Except that I am still on the yelling phase. I haven't progressed to throwing things yet. That's not a bad idea, though.

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andrea frazer link
08/24/2009 19:57

Well, we had a great rest of the day. in fact, it was so good, i caved and gave Stink back his slippers. I mean, really, what kind of consequence is "You are being such a dork face I am throwing out your NEMO SLIPPERS!"

Uggg... I had just HAD it. But yes, Wed he starts school. But I'm so worried and all crazy about it. I will miss him, even if he is a turd sometimes. Pip, too.

Thanks, all. Glad to know I'm in good company.

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flutter link
08/24/2009 23:07

I love it, it actually sounds very much like what my mom would do

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Carpool Queen link
08/27/2009 06:50

Yay! Another member of the mean mom's club. Our children can talk about us in therapy (that they can afford to pay for because we taught them to be responsible and get a job.)

Thanks for stopping by the blog!

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meno link
08/27/2009 10:56

It sounds like it was a case of you or the fish slippers. You made the right choice. Sometimes tough decisions come with screaming.

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LT link
08/27/2009 20:42

Oh my gosh, this is like my everyday! I hate it when they just push me too far like that, I usually feel bad about it later (and give back the fish shoe too!)
Thanks for your honesty!

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his girl amber link
08/28/2009 10:47

mwah, hah, hah.

the other day i told my son that if he didn't reach his educational goal, his father and i would be happy to take his incentive cash and take a vacation.

when he cried 'unfair!'

i said, what? we'll send you a postcard that says 'thanks for failing'

my son said i'm 'cold' and 'heartless'

i call it toughlove.


miss you, amiga. i think i wander back into real life next week. expect your phone to ring.

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tifRN link
09/05/2009 12:04

Aaaaaaaaaannnnnnnddddrrrrreeeeaaaaa! I sort of wanted to put adrian. Bc latent Rocky references make me laugh. EMAIL ME.

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