Gossip Girl 08/03/2009
 
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I have the tendency to "bitch" to my best friends. Sure, I can be funny - that's part of my problem. But I'm starting to realize, through my Christian journey (Oh, God, I'm sounding like one of those women now) that nasty quips only serve to make me feel better about my ugliness.

* I am crediting Stacey for drilling this point into my thick skull, so blame her for my enlightenment. Wait... is that gossiping? Moving on.

Sometimes I want to scream about relatives, rude parents in play yards or that lazy butt in the checking line today that thought I was living to wait for her to apply make-up to her botoxed fish lips, "No! I was wronged! I'm not gossiping! I'm simply venting! How can I gossip about people I'm not even naming by name!"
 
But the truth is, it's still not a great habit and only serves the purpose of making me feel better about all my short comings. (Not that there's that many. (Shush, Rex.)
 
The question that begs to be answered, then, is, “How does one get it out without ‘venting’?” For some, that's where prayer comes in. For others, meditation. For others, a work-out or a favorite snack.

What about you? Do you put a nice spin on "gossip" and call it "venting" like I'm wont to do? Or are you just a perfect angel in which case I don't care if it's against my new found faith I HATE YOU.

* PS: Photo of my best friend, Topanga T, with my daugher. It was taken a few months ago at Disneyland.

* PSS: I'll be honest with you, the sippy cups were not for the kids. She and I,  um...  we have this tradition where we fill them with red wine and sip them over the course of a few hours, making it truly the Happiest Place on Earth. (Just one cup, people. I'm no lush. And don't ya'll be talking about me behind my back, cause that's gossiping. So there.)
 


Comments

phd in yogurtry

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 15:45:14

I try to practice what I preach in my practice : )

Which is to take the negative thought and

1. look for the positive (at least I can stand in this check out line, I could be sitting in a wheelchair) or

2. make myself think of 2 positives immediately after kavetching.

othertimes I take a really full inhale, followed by a really full exhale, and simply think of something more pleasant. like where I'm headed for vacation soon.

But as you are finding, habits are hard to break. Negative judgements and complaints slip thru the cracks ALL.THE.TIME.

 

andrea frazer

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 18:33:45

PHd - seriously, you are so right. It's this weird thing, because I really am optimistic by nature. I was raised that way. But the constant demands of childhood and responsibilities started me in this unintentional negative thought process. Some of it was subconscious protection: I'll prepare for disaster so I'm not hurt. But it really seeped into everything and robbed me of my joy.

I'm certainly not going to say God has all to do with it. Some, yes. But some is just, like you said, retraining my brain, and it's not easy. Not at all.

As you can tell, since I dno't normally leave comments in comments, I am super passionate about this positive thing. You are far ahead of me in this.

 

Sprite's Keeper

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 20:10:24

I turn to Twitter. I leave the names off and it turns into a harmless way to make fun and let the thought go. As long as it's harmless though. I don't have it in me to harpoon anyone for a laugh.

 

flutter

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 21:53:50

I think you are rocking this faith thing, and I am going to tell EVERYONE! oh, wait...

 

andrea frazer

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 22:12:58

Lest anyone think I'm trying to be some saint, I'm not. I'm just attempting to figure out what is simple talking, and what more salacious info that really, if it was supposed to be said, it should come from someone directly. There's that fine line.

 

Kristy

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 03:22:18

I'm not really a venter as such but I do enjoy listening to someone elses vent occasionally! Which I suppose is just as bad! I try not to say anything about anyone that I wouldn't say to their face.I always try to apologise if I feel I've gone too far aswell.It's very humbling.

 

RedStacey

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 12:05:52

Ok, so you KNOW I'm not perfect with the non-gossip. Yeah, you even caught me doin' it... once.

When someone is a real pain in the tush, I have found that it's good to just say "WHATEVER!" Philippians 4:8 says "Finally, brothers, WHATEVER is true, WHATEVER is noble, WHATEVER is right, WHATEVER is pure, WHATEVER is lovely, WHATEVER is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

 

Irishmama7

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 20:59:52

THanks Andrea. I needed this post tonight. I had a rough night and you (and my bestfriend) helped me look for the positive. Normally I try to count my blessings, but I got hurt pretty bad (not physically) and then my mind tends to cloud up and I just want to vent, gossip and more. I have to take a breath and be positive and pray or listen. God Bless~

 

sari

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 06:52:20

I vent to my husband, poor guy. It's tough when you're home alone all day with the kids and don't have anyone to tell things to.

I try to not just unload it all and I try to figure out if it's something that's really bothering me or if I'm being mean. I'll tell you, in almost 12 years of marriage to him, I've gotten a LOT better. I used to be really mean about things/other people, which I'm not proud of, but he's helped me stop.

I have many other "non-saint" attributes to work on though! :-)

 

Deb

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 15:55:48

Heh heh....Boy, am I stepping into it by commenting here. You've read my thoughts, so you know what I do - Bitch and Bitch and Bitch some more, but TRY to find some humor in it. Start out feeling outraged and then TRY look back and chuckle after I get it all off of my chest. Try to make myself feel better while at the same time, try to make myself a better person after living through these experiences. Life is a lesson, and how do you learn if you keep everything inside? :)

 

Meowmie

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 04:18:28

Hmmm ... hard stuff. Sometimes I shut up instead of going for the gossip line because I feel badly about spreading things or saying what may well be an untruth. Other times, I divert attention by being hard on myself. I wonder sometimes if I am trying to get others to say "Honey, you're *great*! Don't be tough on yourself!" but I am not sure that I am going for that result. Maybe by making myself uglier, I can divert attention from those who were going to be gossiped about.

Either way, it is not a truthful way to be, nor is it a way for me to make myself grow into the woman I should be.

 



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