Post Title. 09/29/2009
 
So here's what I want to know: Did parenting turn out the way you expected it to?

Are you ever so irritable you could just die?

Do you ever blame everything on your husband when really he couldn't possibly be expected to do everything for you... and if he did... you'd be irritated that you didn't have enough freedom?

Do you go back and forth between acceptance, middle ground and ready to open up a serious can of whoop ass on anyone who dares ask you, "Are you okay?"

"NO! I'm NOT OKAY! I'm PMSing, I miss my dad. It's not always easy raising a kid with Tourettes, Yes,I know he is totally mild and I'm making a BIG DEAL OUT OF IT! I miss my old writing job, I want to be a Christian but getting past this crazy idea that someone died on a cross and rose again from the dead is, like, WHACKY Weed Central and I just want to sleep for ten days!"

I ask because at times I'm flying around getting everything done.

And other times I'm simply exhausted.

And no, I don't think I'm bipolar. But sometimes I wish I were. Lithium sometimes sounds like a nice middle ground. 

But the absolute truth is that I know what I need in my life: I need God. And I need to accept myself for who I am - for how my life turned out. And I don't think I can do that without God.

For those of you that can face this world without it, I honestly, from the bottom of my heart, think that's fabulous. I wish I could. My husband can - or at least he thinks he is doing alright.

But for me, it's just not possible.

So now, at almost 40, I'm reaching the conclusion that I need less control and more serenity. Because for the next 40 years, I don't want to piss and moan forever. I am so lucky in my life - from my husband to my kids to my family - those living and present.

It's time to listen with joy. 

God, are you listening!??? How about you readers? Have I lost you?

I'm ready to be honest about the good, the bad and the ugly. I'll share what I feel comfortable with, and I hope you'll stick around for the ride. Because let's face it - life is too short to be this serious. I'm sure even Jesus would give a hearty thumbs up to my final statement: LET'S KICK SOME ASS.
 


Comments

Daria link
09/29/2009 18:44

I hear ya, sista. We've all been there at some point. Heck, seems like every month. Keep up the positive - you have soooooooooooooooooooooooo much to offer.

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steph link
09/29/2009 19:21

I assume you wrote this for me (because it's all about me, right)? Yeah. Well. Quit bugging me about God already. ;) And are you sure we weren't separated at birth?

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andrea frazer link
09/29/2009 19:41

Daria - I'm lucky to know you.

Steph - Of COURSE we were seperated at birth. I love you just the way you are. We're all on our own weird journeys. Gosh, that post felt good to write. Very freeing.

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Meowmie link
09/30/2009 03:23

I'm flailing around, same as everybody else. I do know that my spiritual life has had some changes over the past 10 years, and some more in the past couple of years. Interesting ride - let's see what happens!

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Arwen link
09/30/2009 05:55

I am not the parent I wish I were. Oh, you should have heard how I yelled at Beeper yesterday when he spilled orange Mountain Dew all over the carpet. I know a child's feelings are more important than a carpet, but I'm not perfect.

But I know everyday is a new day to try again. Thank goodness Christ and Beeper boh understand that I'm not perfect.

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Gretchen link
09/30/2009 06:40

First of all you don't have to try any harder to be a Christian. Just accept the gift, my friend, and move forward. Yes, life IS a grind. We do complain, and have to be spoken off the ledge (in my case, OFTEN), but you're right to seek the One who loves you more than ever. But don't be deceived. The Christian life isn't for sissies. The God who loves us more than life itself (object lesson: having His son crucified) will discipline us like a loving parent, and will prune us. And both of these...well...hurt. For a time, at least. And a good friend once told me (re: days with kids with differences) "these days will be redeemed". And I cling to that. A book which is so helpful to me that I've actually started doing it in a bible study is The Search for Significance, by Robert McGee. Make sure you get the one with the workbook in the back, and call me, Andrea, if you want to talk. But get the book.

How's that for being all bossy and all? Love you.

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LT link
09/30/2009 07:25

Parenting turned out way harder than I ever thought it would. And if we didn't get that irritable we wouldn't be human.
I think it is great that you have found this need for God in your life, I would bet you will start to find more joy as well as more peace. Yes, God is listening as are your readers. Blog on!

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RedStacey
09/30/2009 10:09

You crack me up! Yeah, I totally hear ya on this one. Despite what all retail stores with baby registries would have us believe, parenting is a SACRIFCE! I wish more parents could be honest about how hard it really is so we could all realize we are not defective mommas just because it is not roses and rainbows every moment of every day.

If you feel like looking them up, here are some great promises that are good to remember, especially when the exhaustion kicks in: Matthew 11:28-30, Psalm 121, Philippians 4:13, Romans 12:1

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His Girl Amber link
10/02/2009 16:39

ah yes, I hear ya. I don't know what I expected, but I often find that I struggle more than I think I should, I expect more of my husband than is humanly possible, and I find myself battling for control too often.

you're right. the only thing that can get us on the right track is a right relationship with God. keep seeking... keep knocking... you're further along than you think!

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