Wabi Sabi Wednesday - Cleaning Up the Kids 07/07/2010
If Wabi Sabi means finding the perfection in imperfection, then I'm going to extend this to mean that I don't need to make my childrens' lives perfect. Oh, sure, I talked a big game about how I thrift store shop for their fabulously stylish Harry Potter tank tops and 1980's Mork from Ork tee shirts. (Yup, that one is in the 12 Year Old bin. Stink is gonna love me for it in Jr. High.) I brag about our fabulous public school that is giving my kids a better life education than any private one could offer round these parts. But deep inside, I had mom guilt. "Are they going to have the same opportunities as that group of five year olds with the berets we saw on our last field trip who didn't seem so raucous and knew how to ask for directions to the bathroom in French?" or "Am I scarring them for life by, you know, making them (gasp) share a room when all their friends have their own corners to read, play and sleep in peace each night?" Like all parents, I want my children to be shielded from hurt. I don't want them to have any disorders. I don't want them to be teased by friends. I never want them to go hungry on any level - physically or emotionally. A few weeks back, though, I heard a reknown psychologist speak about how, in attempting to give our kids everything, we are actually "neglecting" them. That in shielding them from natural hurts we are depleting the life skills they need to grow as balanced humans. Then, at the monthly art salons I host, our speaker and life coach, Wendy Wood, spoke about how it's not good for us to shield or kids from disappointment. Instead of fixing their mistakes, we should acknowledge them and walk beside them... showing them how to grow through it. That's all I needed to hear to not make second guess our summer... a summer which consists of lots of library time. Lots of moments with friends. Lots of lazy days spent at the local pool. And... CHORES Here's to reorganizing the Tupperware!  Here's to painting their shelves...  Here's to washing windows...  Here's to building rabbit hutches...  Lest I come off like a mom who is bragging about her kids doing chores without a fight (because let me tell you, it took a few weeks to break 'em in) I am putting this all down on "paper" for proof. Should my son become a beer guzzling football hubby, or my daughter a princess that can't wield a power tool to save her leopard skin pants (seriously, when will that fashion obsession with her end?) I will give their spouses this web address and say, "Dude, don't blame me. Now go make me some grand babies." Until next Wednesday, hope your summers aren't a chore. More of my writing can be found at Goodhousekeeping. CommentsHonestly, I'm tired of everyone worrying about "scarring" other people. I'm frusterated with all the psychobabble blaming other people for THEIR problems. I struggle with that, too. Those days (or several in a row) where I just can't bring myself to take my kids anywhere fun/stimulating/educational/adventurous/kidtastic, I have to give myself permission to just hang out and be. It's okay to have downtime, especially when it seems like that's when they are most creative. It bothers me that I even question that. But, in the end, I am beyond blessed that I get to be home with my kids, so it doesn't really matter what we do, as long as we are enjoying ourselves. My kids dust and vaccuum - they do a really crappy job, but hey! They're helping around the house, right? I finally had the "mommy and daddy aren't like some of the other mommies and daddies and we actually have to watch the money we spend and you should try to be thankful you have a roof over your heads" speech. I'm not sure it made any sense to my 7 year old, but my 10 year old is starting to get it. It doesn't matter what you don't give them - it matters what you DO give them. And you're an amazing mom. :) 07/08/2010 23:30
I'd like to hear that psychologist because I agree completely. Too much of a good thing ... I know parents who have been instructed by their guru's not to say no. Huh? Psychologists in the 60's and 70's advised parents to "not say no all the time" but that has morphed into an unhealthy avoidance of setting healthy limits. Andrea!!! Good on you for documenting the chores, smart mama! Hi! I've missed you. I've been on vacay and just doin' schtuff. Lurve this post. Agree w/all your above commenters re: preparing for life. We're to give roots AND wings; not just roots which are impenetrable by the move-out-when-you're-a-young-adult police. :) Hard to push them when they NEVER thank us for it. But...they will. My kids' favorites? Poop scooping and bathroom cleaning. Leave a Reply |  ArchivesApril 2009 Online DegreesSocial work is a profession for those with a strong desire to help improve people's lives. Earn your masters degree in social work. CategoriesAll 
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