Post Title. 09/29/2009
 
So here's what I want to know: Did parenting turn out the way you expected it to?

Are you ever so irritable you could just die?

Do you ever blame everything on your husband when really he couldn't possibly be expected to do everything for you... and if he did... you'd be irritated that you didn't have enough freedom?

Do you go back and forth between acceptance, middle ground and ready to open up a serious can of whoop ass on anyone who dares ask you, "Are you okay?"

"NO! I'm NOT OKAY! I'm PMSing, I miss my dad. It's not always easy raising a kid with Tourettes, Yes,I know he is totally mild and I'm making a BIG DEAL OUT OF IT! I miss my old writing job, I want to be a Christian but getting past this crazy idea that someone died on a cross and rose again from the dead is, like, WHACKY Weed Central and I just want to sleep for ten days!"

I ask because at times I'm flying around getting everything done.

And other times I'm simply exhausted.

And no, I don't think I'm bipolar. But sometimes I wish I were. Lithium sometimes sounds like a nice middle ground. 

But the absolute truth is that I know what I need in my life: I need God. And I need to accept myself for who I am - for how my life turned out. And I don't think I can do that without God.

For those of you that can face this world without it, I honestly, from the bottom of my heart, think that's fabulous. I wish I could. My husband can - or at least he thinks he is doing alright.

But for me, it's just not possible.

So now, at almost 40, I'm reaching the conclusion that I need less control and more serenity. Because for the next 40 years, I don't want to piss and moan forever. I am so lucky in my life - from my husband to my kids to my family - those living and present.

It's time to listen with joy. 

God, are you listening!??? How about you readers? Have I lost you?

I'm ready to be honest about the good, the bad and the ugly. I'll share what I feel comfortable with, and I hope you'll stick around for the ride. Because let's face it - life is too short to be this serious. I'm sure even Jesus would give a hearty thumbs up to my final statement: LET'S KICK SOME ASS.
9 Comments
 
Picture This 09/23/2009
 
I don't know about you, but I have had some stuff laying around the house forever. I've meant to do it. I really have. But somehow I've never gotten around to it.

Like the grandfather clock. That we got from our realtor. NINE years ago. It had gotten quite cozy on top of our armoire. So cozy, in fact, that cobwebs had started to form near the pendulum. One particular spider was not happy with my decison to windex him away. 

With Rex being out of town, I thought I'd surprise him once and for all and hang up that clock. I just knew it would take hours.

Um... five minutes. No joke. Hello stud (in the wall, not Rex). Hello little nail! Greetings tiny hammer! Centered, level - beautiful!

Of course I couldn't stop there. I hung a bulletin board in my office. I hung up some wedding prints in the hall. I rearranged my bed and made space for some old baby photos to be hung up over my brand new bedroom furniture. (Well, it's really 1970's laminate from my sister-in-law, but it will be replaced with fabulous 40's antiques as soon as I have my way.)

I can't lie to you. I made some serious mistakes. There's holes from ugly drywall in every room of the house. Some of the frames have photos that are only staying in place courtesy of sticky tape. Some pictures are missing glass.

It's an interesting analogy for life, really. What looks beautiful on the outside can sometimes be falling apart within. But if we wait to hang our beauty up for when everything is perfect, we'll be waiting forever.
The time is now - dust, spiders, gaping holes and all.

In closing, for all you gals out there who read me, may your photos and your men continue to be well hung.
5 Comments
 
Woman - My Ears! 09/20/2009
 
I've been going through old videos lately and simply laughing my booty off.

I had totally forgotten about the one below. Stink was about 2, and whenever Pip would screech (she was also known as "The Howler" which some of my prior BabyCenter readers thought was just plain awful) he'd cover his ears and scream "Woman, My Eaaaaars!"

Honestly, I'm shocked Rex didn't adapt that little routine for the days when I just can't stop jabbering. Which, sadly for him, is most days.

I am once again reminded to remember when to keep my mouth shut and when it's worth stating my opinion. Cause, um... apparently the universe doesn't center around me.

Happy Sunday, all. May only fabulous things find their ways into your ears.
6 Comments
 
Rude Awakening 09/16/2009
 
For a while I was entertaining the idea of working a part time job to pay off some minor credit card debt I incurred after having the audacity to enjoy a vacation this summer.
A few months even at minimum wage would do the trick. I would consort with interesting people. I would get away from the computer and be with live human beings. And best of all, I would ingest more blog fodder than Kanye West insults people.

But with a few weeks of heavy public service under my belt, from shopping to running around town on school missions, I'm becoming that jaded L.A. person who is, against her better judgment, able to sum up the majority of the public in three words: RUDE RUDE RUDE!

How hard is it to smile at me if I let you cross in front of my car in a Target parking lot? Oh, you own a Mercedes while my stinky SUV smells like fries and first grade dirt? No wonder! I'll make sure to check out your Entitlement Pass next time.

Is it so difficult to wave a "Thanks, lady!" when I let you pull in front of me at a crowded intersection? Oh, your destination is more important than mine? Makes sense! Let my kids be late for school. It's not like the California governor thinks our education system is that worth while either.

What about women in their fifites who stand behind me, huffing loudly, as I desperately try to readjust my packages to hold my five year old's hand up the escalator. You know... silly me not wanting Pip to bang her head and squirt blood all over the matriarch's designer sweater set.

Oh, am I being judgmental? You mean the old bag... ahem... sad woman.... actually shops at thrift stores like I do? If that's the case, then I would hope she would also see the less fortunate souls who go there for survival, not for fun, show some empathy, and see actual retail shopping with escalators and clean toilets as the joyous occasion that it is! Go 99 cent popcorn and Diet Coke specials in the Red Bullseye Cafe!

But perhaps in the three examples I gave someone was dying of cancer. Perhaps one had recently lost a job or a child. Perhaps their home was just repossesed.

Or, most likely, they were simply never taught to say "thank you" or "please" or give someone else the benefit of the doubt.

I'm far from perfect - don't make me give examples. So I'll end this rant by re-instating my pledge to show respect where I can. If not for me, or for anyone else, for my children.

But seriously, general public, how hard is it to have some basic manners?

Thank you.

I hope you all have a pleasant day.

Even that bitch at the escaltor.
9 Comments
 
 
Picture
Picture
Turns out a wonderfully smart artist and friend I know from BabyCenter (Arwen) also has a remarkably talented husband. He is self-publishing a chapter book ideal for the early chapter reading crowd called Catamount Cody Faces the Slingshot Gang.

Written in a Western style with vivid drawings by Miss Arwen herself, this book is the story of a brother who stands up to mean kids who treat his sisters poorly.

As the mother of a son who worships his sister, I was touched by the creative take on cowboy chivalry this book provides. It's got just enough action to make any four year old wonder what's going to happen next, but it's clean enough to keep Mama or Papa from worrying about bad dreams.

Arwen is having a book giveway at her blog. I know that my own Prince Charming would love for me to read it to his favorite Princess one night. So good luck getting it out of my hands if I win. If you try, I'll just stick Catamount Cody on you.

Or worse, my own Stink. Think you can outrun a boy in ballet shoes? Think again. He'll arabesque his way into a headlock quicker than you can say post over.
2 Comments
 
 
Picture
Where has the time gone since I last posted?! Oh, I know... my son started first grade and my daughter started kindergarten.

I started up a new Tourettes support group called Twitch and Bitch 2.

I've been in touch with Sesame Street who is considering doing a piece for their website or show on TS. (This is a big "maybe"... but it's still fun none the less)

I've gone back and forth with my anxiety, but am continuing on my God path to find my purpose, soothing my spinning pea brain. Less Diet Coke and less Yuban might be a good plan but I haven't won the battle. But I'm jogging and praying and that's about where it is for now.

Some might suggest that I do less. Apparently you can'f find your reflection in running waters. Instead you see clarity and vision in the mirrored stillness of a quiet lake.

I, however, have come to the conclusion that I'm not a serene, passive person by nature. I'm the most happy when I'm busy, active and passionate. This means blogging and volunteering at my kids' school.

This means going to church on Sundays even if Rex doesn't want to go.

This means pushing past my comfort level and going to a Hollywood Bowl Rodgers and Hammerstein tribute with live orchestra playing to wide screen movies above our heads under a starry night sky with a good girlfriend.

It means taking advantage of the housing market and buying a little cabin in the woods that Rex and I will rent out most of the winter but hopefully make some memories in over the summers.

And it means getting off my duff and writing that musical with my ex-TV partner like I've always wanted to. We started today thanks to the power of Skype and two wacky minds that laugh about everything from sex to marriage to kids to politics. I'm not saying it's going to win any Broadway awards (Though doesn't a song like "Vasectomy" just have TONY written all over it?) but it's going to be silly and racaous and... God forbid... FUN.

And I can promise you this: It won't have anything to do with silence. And that just makes me so happy I can't stand it.

Happy Monday!

* Photo courtesy of that same nutty mama who forces me to get off the computer and attend live cultural events. I mean, really, she's just crazy.
7 Comments
 
Go Away - Shoe! 08/24/2009
 
Once upon I time I decided to be a kind, caring, interesting mother.

My children would embark upon new adventures every day - ones that involved eclectic people, monarch butterflies, Spanish lessons and symphonies on CD from the public library. Stray puppies? Totally optional.
In my ideal world, we did not need money to be happy - simply time, openness and patience.

Ah, patience - there's the rub.

Because I refused to beat my children into submission, and screaming like a crazy lunatic did nothing for either of us, I decided to start chucking stuff.

Let me provide you with an example which occurred moments after I took my children, in the blaring heat, to the neighbor's pool. Why? Because I was still holding onto the hope that my kids would grow up and appreciate a mother who plays with them rather than sticks them in front of the television all day long. (Cue: Evil laugh.)

Me: Stink, get upstairs and take off your clothes for your bath.

Two minutes later I find him shuffling at the bottom of the stairs.

Stnk: Mooooommmmmy, my fish slippers are not letting me walk up the stairs.

Me: Not a problem.

I take the slippers and throw them out. They have holes and are smelly from two seasons of use anyway.

Lots of screaming, crying and tantruming ensues while I sit here, smiling smugly, blogging.

Yes, I am that mean of a mother. And I don't care today. Because I'm done.

The End..
13 Comments
 
 
Picture
I live in a very 1950's style suburb where they do a lot of commercial and movie shoots. It's not that our homes are so fancy (I live in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath starter) but they are very retro and easily scream, "Main Street USA." Throw up some plastic trees, some generated snow, and you've got yourself a Hollywood Hallmark Christmas.

I don't mind having to navigate through film crews every month.

I could care less if Ty Pennington is cracking jokes on my neighbor's porch in between takes for his Sear's commercials. (Hey, I even got my mom's home a gig for a Sear's commercial through that. Long crazy story but it was right after my dad died and the money came in handy. God bless cool location managers and my big mouth.)

What I doooo get irritated at, though, is how every single month location scouts come to my house and take photos.

Then they come back with the director a week later and run through our back yard. And then? Nothing.

Why?

1. Our neighbor's house is kind of run down and they don't want it in the shot.

2. The neighbor's sister's house 3 doors down is an absolute stunner. It's the case of darling mutt vs. showdog poodle - I can't blame them for using the shiny new one.

It is what it is, but like a lottery ticket, I'm convinced that every time I scratch I'm going to be a millionaire. I suppose these things are what makes life interesting - the hope, not the actual product.

But perhaps most important to remember in the "Why is my home being rejected" formula?

3. That's the biz, baby!

Happy weekend.
7 Comments
 
 
Picture
Some of you might recognize Heather McDonaldas the funny sidekick on Chelsea Lately.

I know her from Catholic school and seeing her at church about once a month. Her photo is also up around town on bus benches due to a real estate gig she has with her folks.
 
We're soooo the same person.

Except she's skinnier than me.
And she has her own show.
And she used to write for the Wayan Brothers. Other than that - EXACT same lives.

You will sometimes see her on my Face Book feed where I get to read about all her fabulous stand-up gigs and show clips.

Where you won't see Heather is on my Good Housekeeping blog because, um, I've been really procrastinating on interviewing her.

But I did get my daughter her 5 year shots yesterday, so that's worth some roundtable praise.

Meanwhile, check out the blog link above for a cute piece done by the Silicon Valley Moms Club. (link to that club to come)

And dude, Heather, please forgive my tardiness on your soon to be fabulous interview. Also, please forgive my children who sit through mass about as well as I sit through my husband's Star Trek episodes.

PS: I do love that Heather is not afraid to she has long mama boobs - hence her name sake. More than a few moms on this site can relate to that.
3 Comments
 
 
Picture
I missed my daughter's shot appointment this morning. She needs them to start kindergarten, as well as a boatload of paperwork. (I swear she wouldn't need this much to join the C.I.A..)

Sadly, because I belong to an HMO, it takes an act of God to get into a pediatrician at this time of year. I'm sure something will come up, but maaaaaaan, how could I forget something like this? It's called A CALENDAR. Uggg.

All these scheduling mishaps brings me back to my constant quest for balance. There's some stuff we can control - like making appointments and keeping them, planning a budget, making time for friends and family.

But then there's that stuff that you can't control, like brain farts on foggy Monday mornings after a lovely day in Big Bear with the hubby (more to come on that one) the unexpected NOT MY FAULT auto accident that blasts my carefully laid out budget to hell, and last minute illness that makes get togethers about appealing as a kindergartner getting shots.

I don't know about you, but I aim on bitch slapping my brain... ahem... focusing on seeing the positive in the unexpected, such as new friends, new experiences, funny stories for later and the ever so exciting note in my inbox promising me new work, new income, fresh excitement and more opppotunities to keep me on my toes. (That last one? Sooo hasn't happened, but it will. Right? RIGHT?)

Speaking of unexpected, Jen at Sprites Keeper won the table top theatre for her little one at my Giveaway section. There were 8 entries (one person entered her name twice so I counted her two names as 1 only, assigning her #4). I put #8 into Random.org and it automatically picked for me. Thanks!
6 Comments