When Barbie and Ken are Equally Unyoked 08/30/2011
 In this post I mentioned how I’m living as a “new” Christian with an Atheist husband. I’m attempting to honor my husband in my actions, even when my feelings aren’t following suit. You know, those “I feel sorry for myself sitting with the two kids at church alone while EVERY OTHER COUPLE has their little brood in between them like baby ducks clustered between Christian Barbie and Ken book-ends” kind of feelings.) To be clear, while my husband is “head” of the household, I hardly consider him the boss of me. Like my favorite quote from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, “The man is the head, but the woman is the neck, and the neck can turn the head anyway she wants to.” In my case, the neck turning means showing love for my husband in my actions, not my words. 1 Peter 3: 1 – 11 states, “In the same way you wives must submit to your husbands, so that if any of them do not believe God’s word, your conduct will win them over to believe. It will not be necessary for you to say a word, because they will see how pure and reverent your conduct is. You should not use outward aids to make yourself beautiful such as the way you do your hair, or the jewellery you put on, or the dresses you wear. Instead your beauty should consist of your true inner self, the ageless beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of the greatest value in God’s sight…” Okay that last part about not wearing jewelry and having a quiet, gentle spirit? That will truly take some divine intervention. But the overall idea of modesty and self-restraint when it comes to not being a nagging harpie? I can manage that. The main point of this post, however, is the idea, “How does one serve two “masters” – both their husband and Jesus? How does one find peace? On one hand, I have my husband who finds all this Christian stuff utter nonsense. And really, I can’t blame him. Selling a Hollywood screenplay seems less far fetched than some baby being born of a virgin, performing miracles, living without sin, dying on a cross and rising from the dead. Plus he did all that without internet, cable and Starbucks. On the other hand, if this Jesus is who The Bible claims He is, how can I not totally fall in love with Him, too? (Believe me – my Rex is not much of a sharer.) The duality of my current relationships are quite alarming. I liken loving both Rex and Christ to going for a swim in a glorious warm pool but having weights attached to my legs. I hardly consider my husband dead weight, but the enormity of our different worldview can sometimes feel heavier than I’d like to admit. (Well, except for admitting right here for the entire World Wide Web.) I see more than ever why the Bible urges believers to marry believers. 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?” The human in me does not see my husband as evil. But the lack of peace we sometimes encounter is. I take great hope in 1 Corinthians 7: 12-16 “Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?” I don’t know what plans God has for my marriage. But I do know this: Rex’s lack of a need for Jesus is the precise force that landed me right in Christ’s arms. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, or blaming my atheist husband, I’m attempting to thank God every day that Rex is in my life. (Most days, anyway!) My husband is a wonderful iron in refining my fledgling faith. Today, as I finished sewing some Xmas lights into the backside of my daughter’s ice fairy costume, I scoffed at my poor sewing job. The stitches were completely uneven. None of them matched. Looking at it up close was like looking at a web spun by a very tired spider six beers in. I thought about how my marriage can often feel like that – mismatched and uneven – dizzying with effort at times. But then I turned the dress inside out and added the battery to the light. What a vast transformation! My poor sewing skills were nowhere to be seen. Instead, I saw nothing but beautiful light glowing through the fine mesh fabric. Again, I thought of my marriage, but this time I saw only the beauty and wonder I have experienced due to Rex: My home, my children, a spiritual growth which will accompany me into far rockier waters than an argument over how to budget our finances. Clearly I need to step back from my sewing job, as well as my negative views of being married to a non-Christian. When I stop focusing on what isn’t working, I can let God’s wonderful majesty shine through in glorious light. I will never stop praying for faith. I will never stop praying for my husband. And most of all, I will never stop thanking God for how lucky I am to have both Rex and Jesus in my life. I might not get an HBO show about serving two husbands, but I’m certainly growing more than I ever dreamed possible. And when I start to falter – when the lights of my soul start to flicker in exhaustion – God’s Word will have to serve as a battery to charge me up once again. Anyone else out there in “unequally yoked?” If so, how are you managing? * Published originally at Joe Beam's marriage and restoration site.The beautiful angel is my daughter, Pipsqueak. Look how happy she was with my sewing job on those lights! Guess she's looking at me through God's eyes. I'm lucky that way. Comments08/30/2011 19:13
this is one of my all-time favorite Andrea posts. so honest and beautiful. you're such a cool chick. Luisa Kwok 11/07/2011 09:42
"Instead your beauty should consist of your true inner self, the ageless beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of the greatest value in God’s sight". @Luisa - I struggle with that also. I found it didn't work for me, either. There's a balance between being a strong person because that's how God made me and being an example. I have really set down boundaries in the past 3 months and it's been beyond helpful for me as a person and my marriage. And my husband has really grown. I need to update this blog! I was the wayward one. My husband brought me back. I'll say this for the quiet and gentle spirit, I think y'all are putting too much modern gloss on it so it reads docile pushover. It is basically what my husband did, though his chosen inspiration was 'act as if you have faith, and it will be granted unto you.' He treated me as if he knew I would come around, assumed the Spirit in me, expected eventual success. He was never pushy, bossy, or the like. He followed his faith and treated me as if I did. He also prayed for me so God worked his own mojo (God gets messages to me through dogs). Looking back, it took almost no time, though in reality it was a good few years. Anyway, that's what I think the gentle and quiet spirit is, patient faith. Honestly anyway, what the modern world thinks of as strengths are often weaknesses and vice versa. It takes far more strength to do what Andrea is doing than it does just to give up to get along. Leave a Reply | AuthorIf faith is the antidote to fear, then I say bring it on. I can use all the prayers I can get! ArchivesSeptember 2011 Categories |
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